Money isn't as important as you think. In these times, when the economy is bad it maybe a little more prevalent than it was for those of us dating in the Clinton Era. However, some women are into the starving artist type. Some women are into men with potential, especially when its obvious that the guy is hard-working and will make something out of himself. Sitting home and watching SpongeBob all day and drinking with your buddies all night is not a turn on. Find a woman who wants you to be happy and she'll want you to do what you want with your career. Now there may come a time when there's triplets on the way and no paycheck that you have to suck it up and do something you don't want to do, but that's how it works. Even then you can still hang on to your dreams.

Yeah, all my nights consist of is writing and working on projects. I might take one evening a week to watching fighting or football with my friends, but even then by 11pm I am back to work until bed time LOL.

I am in a vortex of confusion about this issue. I once was the breadwinner in the family and now sit at home chasing two toddlers around, watching SpongeBob all day! I wonder if my wife would have married me if I didn't have a great career. She loves me now but I no longer have my identity as an earner.

I think you can meet someone who appreciates your intellect and inspires you to set loftier goals.

A guy who writes at night can work during the day. That's if he can find a job.

Your identity has nothing to do with your job. Your identity is who you are, not what you do.

Peyton Manning and Michael Vick are both football players. Yet, they have two very different identities as far as the public is concerned.

Don't let how much money you made or what you did for a living be what defines you.

It's hard to loose that esteem. I gave up a great career opportunity to move w/ my husband and have kids that I stayed at home with. Now, my earning potential has been cut to about a 1/4th. It's disempowering and scary because I lived like someone who can make 4 x's what I can. However, my job and earning potential no longer define me. My husband, my children, and how well I raise them is so much more important to me. So many people are capable of greatness, but in reality, even if they don't lead where we expect, we choose our paths and if we find fufillment, we live a far greater life than a Hollywood star who is lost to drugs or a high powered executive who is so hooked on money that he looses his soul.

For men, often our job and wealth define who we are.

Yes, family is more important. Yes, your character is more important. Yes, if you are religious, your "eternal" perspective is more important... Yet, we draw much of our self worth from what we do for a living and how much money we make (or don't make).

I once was a highly successful business owner making $500K+/ year. After series of unfortunate circumstances (health problems, the economy and a divorce), my business is now more a liability than a source of financial security and pride, and my financial future is murky at best.

Do I feel like lesser of a man? Yes, I do. Do I feel less attractive (going back to the original poster's question)? Yes, I do.

Ideally, we won't let these things affect our self worth, but the reality is that it is hard not to.... I guess that's why every faces challenges in life, and it is how we GROW through these challenges.

Apparently, I have A LOT of growing left to do.....



Is it caused by

We all have selling points and we all have shortcomings, and money (or lack of it) is no bigger or smaller than any other. I happen to have a pretty good-sized wallet and still don't date all that much...so IMO money isn't the great equalizer some people make it out to be. I guess what I'm saying is, it's not WHAT you're insecure about, but how you manifest it. If the insecurity defines you, that's what's holding you back.