Probably a slip of the tongue or her way of expressing gratitude. But I wouldn't give up hope :)

It's one of those strange things, I think I am pretty good at reading people and helping others out with their relationship problems, yet this girl rattles me so much that I have a hard time getting a read on her and I can never quite figure out what advice to give myself on it.

Thanks for the reply.

I think you are looking at this through rose-colored glasses. So what - she called you honey.
I have a lot of female friends. When a man and a woman are platonic for a long time; she relies on the fact that he gets that, and he is not going to break the rules and turn into creepy guy who has been pining for her all along. That is such a turn-off for women.

I think Kevin has missed the mark by advising you to not give up hope. Give it up man! Be her platonic friend or pull the trigger. BUT don't be the creepy guy.

Happy Holidays!
Rico (Richard)

I'm not sure what Rico defines as the "Creepy Guy" and what he means by "pull the trigger." I do know this: most friendships last about 5 years. It's really not worth having a crush on someone for years but not telling her for fear of losing the friendship. You probably will anyway. If you work together, are cousin's with her brother's wife or live next door in a condo you both bought and paid for, then the fear of reprecusion may make it worth holding off. Otherwise, be straight with a woman and your opportunity will be a lot greater.

1981, you may have held off too long. She seems to mean a great deal to you and you seem to be afraid to find out what she really thinks. If it's right, it would probably feel different. I had a guy friend ask me out casually. The timing was bad so I turned him down. It didn't affect our friendship at all. I had another guy try to court me so slowly that I had no idea of what he was trying to do. One night I brought a date to a party and he was devastated. The friendship went down the tube.

I'm sure you've met the shop clerk or waitress who uses such monikers as "honey" or "sweetie" on all of their customers. It could just mean that she appreciates you. Such terms are often subconsciously (and even consciously) used to convey control/power in a relationship. (Boss to employee (which is no longer tolerated), Teacher to student, Mother to child, Cute woman on the side of the road to the guy who stops and changes her tire...) Don't worry so much about this.

Giving a gift is a fuzzy message. I've given and received gifts with males and it meant nothing besides friendship. You need to make your intentions clear in a casual style and unassuming fashion. "We have such a great time together, maybe we should try having an actual date." That's direct. Its casual. It doesn't assume that you're in love with each other or that its all or nothing. You won't get to the bottom of this any other way. If you think it's too late then find closure and move on.

I don't think I quite expressed why I am asking. This girl NEVER uses nick names like that. I have known her since she was in junior high school (now she is a college graduate) and this is the first time in the history together that she has ever done that.

She did used to hug me when she was little, but I think that was different. =P

Crushes are wonderful -- as long as they remain crushes. Once the boundary of crush is crossed the soap bubble bursts and things change. Crushes are not tangible. They are not based on reality. That is why we crush on the guy who works at the Auto Parts store or why guys crush on the girl who makes his coffee every morning. We know nothing about that person. We are allowed to create an imaginary persona for them and they become fodder for fantasy. However, once we try to turn the fantasy into reality we ruin the enigmatic power of the crush. We learn that the guy at the auto parts store has drinking problems and rage issues or that the girl at the coffee shop is a stalker and has issues with dependancy and abandonment. They both has terrible credit and have bad breath. BUT in our fantasy they had minty-fresh breath and their credit scores didn't matter. It was a fantasy!

That is why we do not crush on our friends. We trust our friends to be honest with us.
I had a guy who was supposedly a very close friend of mine through college. We hung out all the time. He came over while I was getting ready and he saw me in my bra and panties. No problem, we were friends. Right? Bra and panties are just like a bikini without the sand and sea or swimming pool. Or so I thought. One day, way after we both graduated and were both in relationships with other people he admitted to me that he used to steal my underwear. A bra here and panties there, and used them to jerk-off. He didn't tell me if he took the clean ones or the dirty ones. That would be too much info, But his confession broke my heart. What a creep. He thought it was funny. Know what... I never answered another one of his emails, calls or letters. I told him that it was foul and that he was not the type of person I wanted to call a friend.

I have some friendships that are decades old. These are people who have proven their loyalty to me and me to them. I trust that they are not creeps who crush on me or desire me sexually or romantically.

I think it is wrong to carry a torch for someone whom you call a friend.
Man up and tell her what is in your heart. If you don't you are being dishonest to the both of you, and friends are not dishonest with each other.

Some women are different. They enjoy men desiring them, in fact they ensure that the men who they choose to keep around them fuel their egos with their desire and they keep the fire burning by flirting. The woman in question seems like she is not like this. So what - she called you honey. It is just odd that you make such a big deal out of it. If she is just a friend what does it matter?

What do you think the woman in question would think if she read your postings regarding your feelings about her? If it were me, I would avoid you from here on out.

You say that you have a talent for proffering advice on other people's relationships but can't figure this one out. Take it from me - an internationally acclaimed relationship and dating advice columnist. This is not healthy and you should fess-up and stop obsessing over this woman. Yes, obsessing. I said it. It sounds like an obsession in the early developmental stages. Not good at all.

Kevin told you to not give up hope, even though it probably was nothing.
Rico said you should go for it or drop it, because it was sounding creepy.
Mariah thinks you should go for it, get it out in the open, and if it flies it flies, if it doesn't it doesn't.

I say find someone else to enjoy romantically. I get so many emails from women who have a male friend who just doesn't get it. And they are looking for ways to get him to get a clue, safely, because he may be developing an obsession with her.

Can I ask why everyone who writes for this site are so cynical about LOVE of all things? Let me review some of the responses I have gotten in the last week about this topic...

"I think you are looking at this through rose-colored glasses."

"I think Kevin has missed the mark by advising you to not give up hope. Give it up man! Be her platonic friend or pull the trigger. BUT don't be the creepy guy."

"I do know this: most friendships last about 5 years."

"Once the boundary of crush is crossed the soap bubble bursts and things change. Crushes are not tangible. They are not based on reality."

"We know nothing about that person. We are allowed to create an imaginary persona for them and they become fodder for fantasy."

"We learn that the guy at the auto parts store has drinking problems and rage issues or that the girl at the coffee shop is a stalker and has issues with dependancy and abandonment. They both has terrible credit and have bad breath."

I don't even want to get into the rest of those quotes.

The point is that it seems nobody on this forum except for me actually believes that true love or any type of love is possible. If friendships only last for five years, and if all loving relationships are nothing more than fiction, then what is the point?

Apparently everyone you have eyes for have something REALLY BAD going on in their closets and we need to leave well enough alone.

Here's the thing, EVERYBODY DOES HAVE SECRETS and when you start dating them and get into a relationship and what not you're supposed to support and help them through those bad things. You're supposed to overlook the stuff that is possible to overlook (unless it is too dangerous or harmful and you have to move on to a better relationship.)

It just boggles my mind that what is supposed to be a forum to help people in their love lives seems more and more to be becoming nothing more than a forum to cut everyone off at the knees and remind them that "true love is just a fairy tale" or some nonsense like that.

Hi 1981, As you know, the name of this site is fixmylove.com not legitimizemyfantasy.com. You asked your co-writers for their opinion and they replied. It seems to me that everyone was trying to be helpful. I know that was my goal. I do this because I want people to identify the mistakes that cause them to be unsuccessful in love and find alternative behaviors that allow them to find true happiness. This isn't going to happen if reality doesn't rear its ugly head. If you don't want to accept the advice and opinions of your colleagues, then so be it. I wish you the best.

I didn't mean to sound ungrateful, and I do appreciate the attempts at help, but does it not bother anybody else that it seems that everyone on the board is cynical about everything when it comes to love.

In your response alone you say "legitimize my fantasy" as though love is a fantasy. This with my friend maybe nothing more than a crush or it maybe that she's the one I end up marrying. That's not the point here.

I asked if it was a sign that perhaps something more is bubbling up under the surface. Kevin was the only one who seemed to handle the situation as it should have been. He gave me his honest opinion that it didn't seem like anything to really raise red flags or what not, but he also said that I didn't need to give up hope.

Everyone else seemed to rally around the idea that it was foolish to go on, but based it on nothing that I can find. It just depresses me that on this site of all places that everybody seems to be of the notion that love is a rare thing and we're somehow foolish to look for it.

That's the feeling I get after reading posts not just in this forum, but in other parts of the forum as well. Everything from how marriages aren't supposed to be life long commitments, to friends shouldn't date friends, to every guy has something wrong with him.

I just don't understand. Like I said I appreciate the attempts to help if they were legitimate and heart felt. But, I think everyone needs to stop and re-examine the advice they are giving across the forum (or at least the wording they are using while giving it) because love and romance are two positive things that can only work with other positive forces. Cynicism is not a positive force.

I don't think that people came across saying that love is rarely out there. I think what you're hearing is that perhaps thats not what you're experiencing. I also think folks are trying to suggest better ways to determine whether or not its a possibility in your situation.

Finding love is ellusive for some and easy for others. (Ask Jennifer Aniston.) Its even harder to find when you desparately seek it. (I'm NOT implying that you're desperate.) However, love IS NOT a fantasy. If you continue to think it is, you limit your ability to make a real connection.


While it would be nice if we all cheered you on, I think at some point you'll realize how these different opinions helped illuminate your true feelings. Trust your gut. Only you know the whole situation. As long as you're not naturally oppositionally defiant, you'll make the best choice that anyone in your situation could.

As for the five-year marriage thing, I totally agree with you. I'm going to address it further so look for my future posts.