Is this someone's real situation or are you asking hypothetically? Either way, I think it is important for children to have a relationship with both parents. If the parent that "left" was out of the picture for a long time, then it is unreasonable for him or her to expect the children or the other parent to change the living situation.

The better approach would be to start with increased timed spent with the kids. More phone calls, more visits, activities, etc. Once the relationship is built THEN approach the living situation.

Just my personal opinion.

The type of situation that I'm refering to is one that is contentious, but where parent #1 left, still keeps involved with the children, and parent A encourages this. The children are doing well, even excelling in the life they have inspite of dealing with the whoa's of divorce and the conflicts of his parents.

I fantasize about your scenario a lot! I imagine leaving and starting anew. Being a weekend father like so many of my ex-workmates. I don't even have a job yet, but I dream of being free!!! Then, of course, I'd probably find out that life wasn't so great outside of the one I had already built and would want my old life, with my old wife, and kids back. I get it. I really do!!!

I think the "blame game" doesn't apply when kids are involved and they [the kids] are the primary concern. They have to have relationships with both parents. So, no matter who left or who takes care of them most of the time, both parents need to do what's best for the kids! Even if it hurts your ego.

That's the whole point-- Is it in the best interest to break up a happy circumstance that you're children enjoy because of what you want? Especially if you're the one who left in the first place?

Mariah, I think you're making a mistake in framing it as he left her AND the kids. Most of the time, he simply left her...and to do that he had to leave the house. But that doesn't mean he "left" his kids, and no ex-wife -- no matter how angry or hurt -- should ever suggest that to the kids. From my own experience, I fought like mad to get 50/50 and work amazingly hard to stay fully involved in my kids' lives. No weekend dad here. But honestly, I don't think I'm that different from most divorced dads. I think the ne're-do-well divorced guy who abandons his family to serial date younger girls while forgetting about his kids is a media stereotype. I know several divorced guys in their 40s/50s and they are all fully and actively involved in their kids' lives and wouldn't have it any other way.

Also, you say is it ever right to break up "a happy circumstance." Again, you assume it's happy for everyone but the guy, and he's being selfish for wanting to be in his kids' lives. Almost ALL kids want both parents in their lives. And if they don't, they are mistaken. (Unless he's physically abusive or a bad influence [like "Papa" John Phillips]. But let's assume that's not the case in your hypothetical.) Usually the divorced mother creates a reality that says "we don't need him" and he's "doing" this to us. This helps her rationalize the situation. But kids -- especially boys -- need a father in their lives. Mothers don't own their kids; they are the children of both parents, and both have a right to their love and their childhood.

Hi Kevin, I understand where you are coming from, but I am not talking about someone who is working to work things out and put the children first. I am talking about someone who consistently puts his own happiness first. "I want to leave", he said and so he leaves. "I'm out of the loop" he realizes, so he puts his want on being in the loop above the stress and unhappiness he's causing. There are a ton of people who use their kids to fufill themselves. There are even more who use them to get yet another dig in at the ex-. It works on t.v. because so many of us can relate to it.

Its funny that you assume that the person who left is a dad. I never stated that it had to be.
Further, I never said anything in the given scenario that implied the parent with the children was treating them like property. However, if anyone did feel that way, wouldn't it be more likely to be the one that leaves their children and then comes and get them whenever they see fit, like and old stereo in the attic?