Because we got over most of our issues and realized that we still liked each other as people, much the same way you might develop a friendship w/someone you met on the job, in a bar, admiring rock formations, etc. I guess it comes down to how you broke up a bit too, compatibility and the mutual ability to enjoy the other's company. If one or the other sits and pines away for the other, it could get weird, even if you are single, but that's not been a problem in this case. I know it's general sort of rare, I only know of 2 other couples who managed this, and while I have some other exes I hear from via email, this is the only one whom I'd feel I'd really lost a great friend if we parted for good.

I still communicate daily with my ex. We have been divorced about 3 years. The reason I still communicate with him is because we live in the same small town and we have two young kids that come and go between our homes daily. Also, we try to communicate to deal with issues our older son has and how his behavior has been. He says it is hard for him because he still wants me but I have no desire to be with him.

My ex and I share two young kids and are civil and friendly 90% of the time. We can even joke about our break up. Recently, when I suggesting taking my two kids on a cruise, she wanted to go with us! I was dubious about the idea and eventually nixed it. The solution: she found the exact same cruise leaving on the exact same day (from different ports) and we're each taking one kid. Separate homes, vacations and ships make for a continued happy divorce.

When children are involved, taking an active stand to protect the children from pettiness is important. If you can keep it friendly, do so. If not, stay as far apart as possible! If the relationship is without kids, then hanging on can keep you both from forming healthy relationships elsewhere. Do each other a favor and just move on.

As a family therapist, I have seen children saved from the insult and injury to their little brains when parents are in a neutral mood while doing the business involved in coparenting. Quite the opposite is true when no children (cats, dogs, reptiles etc.) were involved. There was a reason you chose to get divorced. Keep up healthy boundaries. No contact gives you more time to find the one who is wanting you for you. Also, divorcing people chooses a new personal or spiritual path thereby launching them both on a healthier trajectory. Otherwise said, you have as much chance of being buds or getting back together as landing on the move. Love the one you are with and be kind to the children.

Hi James,
I find that most of these replies deal with married people who have kids and you are a non-married guy who is interested in people who date.

I deal with lots and lots of men and women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s who are still in the dating pool and find that the older you get the more you realize you can remain friends with your ex boy or girlfriends.

The younger women tend to keep in touch with their ex boyfriends, keeping in mind that these women are "healthy emotionally" - meaning that they did not take abuse from or abuse their ex.

Most men, who are younger tend to want to conquer as many women as possible, saying most anything to accomplish it; so, after the breakup they don't want to face all of the empty promises they made.

As the men mature they find that good friends, whether men or women, are hard to come by and holding on to the good ones is worth the emotional effort.

Lotsa Love
LL

I think when you are divorced with kids, you obviously communicate. I communicate with ex's when there are no mutual feelings. Usually, however, this takes years to achieve. I agree..clean breaks unless necessary. Glad things are better!

As for me, I stay in touch with an ex girlfriend of mine just because I feel the urge to never cut people out of my life. I am continually clear that we can never be together as more than friends again.

Otherwise we have a fun and sometimes flirtatious relationship that helps to relieve stress because we know each other intimately which means we can talk to each other about issues that we couldn't normally with other friends we have.

If I had a girlfriend or a wife, I would be up front about my friendship with her from the get go to alleviate any problems early and answer any questions my new girlfriend would have.

Hi writtenin1981, Your scenario can go a number of ways: 1- You and your ex- talk and meet up every once in while. You talk a little, flirt a little, and are proud of your past association and present friendship, parting ways sure that your path is correct and moving on was the best idea.
2- You and your ex- can do the same thing, but without realizing it, the relationship could keep you from truly connecting with someone else. Afterall, when your opinions differ, you can appeal to a higher authority- your ex-. When she's in a bad mood and you want to forget about it, you can call your ex- for a little "harmless" flirtation. The next thing you know, you're calling your ex- talking about how your girlfriend feels that there's something between you two, but she can't figure out what it is.
3- Your friendship with your ex- could also keep you comfortable enough that you don't take chances or even notice when someone with potential comes along.
4-- You could be leading on your ex-, even if you think you are both on the same page. This can cause all sorts of trouble down the line for both of you.

As our dear colleague Letty would say, every situation is different. I wouldn't be surprised if you're quite empathetic and capable of traveling through such nuances developing rich and productive friendships. Then there are folks like me who all must consider if we truly gets what's going on. In such cases, clean breaks may be best.

Wow, I am quite empathic and find it is one of my biggest strengths as far as reading people and getting a handle on relationship advice.

However, I think my response may have been misconstrued. My ex now has a husband and a daughter. She lives in another state, and neither of us have any feelings for the other beyond friendship. The flirtation is all in good fun and is completely different from the days when we dated (which was ten years ago.)

We both know we wouldn't be a good couple, and have both stated that.

I was just using my relationship with her post romance as an example of how two exes (even if not divorced) could still maintain a friendship without having issues.