I was once told by a wise woman (a counselor, actually) that hatred for someone is an outward expression of internal misery. These people that continue to make their ex's lives difficult are most likely extremely unhappy themselves.

All we can do it to have pity for them and keep them in our prayers. We don't need to let them affect or control how we feel or how we live. Divorce and break-ups (when combined with restraining orders in the most unfortunate situations) allow for certain distances to be maintained.

If there are children involved, it is obviously more complicated. Then the best you can do is to find ways to help your children build up self esteem and stronger bond with you. Be there for them whenever they need you.

While I believe that the offender is miserable, you get to a point, where you can no longer feel sorry for them. When your ex- or your partner's ex- becomes so obsessed with ruining your life that they do just up to the line of what would get them arrested and people think you're making things up when you tell your story-- then the pity party is over. You can feel as sorry for them as you want, but it won't stop the attacks or the hateful use of your children as pawns in their self-absorbed games. Unfortunately, society doesn't allow us to remove ourselves from such cruelity when children are involved. They say its best for the children to be involved with both parents. How is teaching hate and allowing children to witness mental abuse of one parent by another in anyone's best interest?