What Did I Do Wrong?

DAILY CHALLENGE Rob and Lucy dated for several months and Rob thought things were going well. Then Lucy broke up with Rob using the classic reason, “It's not you, it's me.” Rob is confused by this explanation and won't take it for an answer. He keeps calling Lucy, e-mailing her and getting no reply. When he “accidentally” ran into Lucy the other day outside her gym she pointedly told him to leave her alone. And he thinks he would, if he only knew the real reason why she dumped him. What should he do? Tags: Dating, Breakups, Letting Go, Stalking, Harassed, Moving On, Mariah Kvesich

BY

mariahkvesich

DAILY FIX

No one likes to be dumped.  It's even worse when you don't see it coming.  Since Rob thought things were going well, it's easy for him to jump to the conclusion that what drove Lucy to break it off was one minor issue that he could easily fix and make them a happy couple once again. Here's the problem: if there was just one thing wrong that caused Lucy to decide to end it, then Rob would probably know what that was.

In reality, Lucy probably has been thinking about this for awhile.  This isn't an insult to Rob, and he shouldn't take it that way.  It's just an opportunity for him to find someone who's ready for what he is and appreciates him exactly as he is.  Rob should be able to be himself with his true love.  If Lucy needs something different, then it doesn't matter what it is, Rob is better off finding someone else.

If Rob feels the need for feedback, he'd be better off asking friends and relatives who were close enough to the couple to see their dynamic and spot potential problems. Rob should also jump back into the dating pool as soon as possible, since nothing helps you move on psychologically like finding a new romantic interest.

Most importantly, Rob needs to stop badgering Lucy.  She owes him no explanation.  If he keeps trying to get her to talk , the answer he'll get may be based more on his stalking behavior than on what was happening during the relationship.  Lucy might even feel harassed or threatened enough to get a restraining order against Rob -- not something he'd want future girlfriends or employers to find out about.  Continual contact with Lucy will never give Rob the sense of closure he desires, so it's best that he move on. 

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Comments

Viewing 1 - 2 out of 2 Comments Letty_Livingston Mar 01, 2010 11:56 AM Jumping back into the dating pool is a BAD idea. Rob needs to become level-headed and deal with his obsessiveness before transferring all of his emotions onto a new lover, who would no doubt, be a rebound relationship. Rob should jump back into his life. He could take a look at his calendar, to the months before he ever met Lucy, and see where and what he stopped doing. Many times we will sacrifice small parts of our self in order to get someone else to like us more. We miss these parts of our self but feel a need for acceptance more than the missing of the "thing". Rob can reboot his life and restart doing the things that he stopped doing since he met Lucy. By delving back into his self, he will be more likely to meet like-minded singles. Lucy should be more respectful of people and not be childish when breaking-up with lovers. By communicating openly along the way, Lucy would have had a better sense of getting her needs met and Rob would known what Lucy needed in the first place. Live and learn folks. LEARN!!!! Lotsa Luv LL ricodad Jan 22, 2010 11:24 AM I think Rob needs to get over Lucy BEFORE jumping back into the dating pool. The next lady will wind-up being a rebound. Rob will transfer all of the emotions he had onto the new woman and in a few weeks the feelings will fade, as he will be getting over Lucy and at the same time realize that he really didn't love the new woman, it was just residual feelings he had for Lucy. So, he winds up breaking up with the next woman with the line, it's not you its me. Funny how that goes round and round, if people don't take time to let their hearts heal before jumping into romances. One really should be emotionally available prior to dating. That is, if you are looking for love and not just looking for a one night stand. RicoDad