Sharing Past Relationship Information

DAILY CHALLENGE Joan has been dating Larry for a couple months, and Larry thinks its time to talk about their past relationships. He feels both of them should be be open and honest with each other and shouldn’t feel the need to hide anything from the past, including previous romances and significant others. Joan thinks that their past should stay in the past and sees no reason to discuss it. Should this couple bring all of their skeletons out of their closet or should they only concentrate on the present and future? Tags: marriage, relationship, past relationships, past partners, significant others, open and honest, skel

BY

Carissa26

DAILY FIX

Larry and Joan both have very different views of sharing too much information with each other. Here are a few steps that they should follow when this subject comes up again:

1. Larry and Joan should discuss their reasoning for how they feel on sharing this kind of information with each other and why they feel this way. This will help each of them understand both sides of the argument. If Joan more clearly understands why this is important to Larry, she is more likely to want to compromise on the issue.

2: If this couple decides to share information on their past, they should stick directly to the topic that is being discussed. This means if Larry asks Joan about a particular past boyfriend, and then Joan should stick with answering only that and not go into details that she wasn't asked about. They should also respect a certain level of privacy and intimacy and not feel compeled to go into salatious details, such as the frequency or quality of sex they had with a past partner.

3. Joan and Larry need to really listen to each other’s comments when discussing this subject. They should take some time and let this information digest before bringing it up again. This will allow both people to be able to comprehend both sides.

4. Neither Joan or Larry should share any information about themselves to the other that would really hurt them in the future. They should not share any information that they feel could really get leaked out and hurt them in some way if perhaps the relationship did not last.

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Comments

Viewing 1 - 3 out of 3 Comments Letty_Livingston Feb 19, 2010 02:26 PM Again, I have to chime in with each couple is as unique as the two people in it. (I really should trademark that darned quote already!) That being said, there are no cut and dry rules to this divulging the past white elephant. It is there, the past, we all have them. Our past and the way we were treated, the way we acted, and the way it ended all shape us for future romantic relationships. I think that Larry is jumping the gun by thinking he has a right to know anything after a few months, aside from what he has been able to gather through your regular "getting to know you" banter that occurs when, (okay I'll say it) you are getting to know someone. I agree with most of what Carissa26 says in her Number 1 answer, aside from the way in which she projects the issue, by calling it an argument. It not an argument, in fact, if it turns into an argument it'll probably turn into a deal-breaker. Because if two people who are intimate cannot agree to either compromise, agree, or disagree one of them is sure to become so jealous / curious that they will eventually start snooping. Snooping is certainly a deal-breaker. If a partner can't take the fact that your past is yours and you either can share it or not, they have some serious issues that they need to work out before being involved in a reciprocating romantic relationship. If you are in a LTR and find that you must resort to snooping in order to find out the truth; things are already WAAAAAY out of hand and you either have to work things out with a counselor or break things off; because your gut has been telling you that your partner is doing something that they should not be doing and by the time you snoop things are too far gone! Did I stray off the point again? I am sorry. But it does bring up a good new thread. Look for it in the forums. Lotsa Luv LL ricodad Jan 22, 2010 11:11 AM Larry may have insecurities about his ability to satisfy a woman and wants to know all about her past lovers. I think it is not necessary to delve into the pas. We all grew-up and had lovers. Quality and quantity is personal and does not HAVE to be divulged. I mean really, how do you know that the person is telling the truth. They may just be telling you what they think you want to hear, so why talk about it. If she doesn't feel like letting her skeletons out of her closet that is her prerogative. If he can't deal with it, she should kick his a$$ to the curb! RicoDad mariahkvesich Dec 29, 2009 05:01 PM Larry also shouldn't force Joan to hear details that make her uncomfortable. Unless he's done something illegal or something that was highly notable, (for example, walk out on a wedding or have children) where she'll most likely find out, then he should be pleased that she respects his privacy. Of course, if Joan is hiding something notorious, she may want to fess up now rather than face the consequences later.