Letting go of the love for cow

Seems you guys have gave me some clarity. Well I just have to do right.
Sometimes love contaminates your head and you can not get anything
done. And you get it out of your head. Its almost as if you must forget
about it to achieve something. It does not change the way I feel. But I
just feel as if I wont be able to achieve nothing without distancing
myself. Let me mention Cow has no idea what I do, as I have no idea
what he does. He does care about me... sometimes I have mistook what he
says when he was truly being beneficial. I see how everyone's
relationships are around me, I think ... I used to be that way.... oh
what a waste. Why must some people argue over silly things. I was silly
and stupid many of years ago in that manner. But to see very mature
people with years on them, to see one of them to tear the other person
down and make them feel like crap is beyond me. I wanted to be in a
loving and supportive relationship both ways. Its kind of hard when you
are used to certain things when its right there in your face you have a
tendency to misunderstand when the gesture was supposed to be kind..
out of habit. Yeah I am guilty of mistaking gestures or helpful notes
for criticism. Situation at hand had a lot to do with it...... and the
form of communication. To me love is doing something for another
without thinking of anything in return, to truly make someone happy.
When it comes from both ways..... you truly have something special. I
really don't know how to communicate with Cow anymore. When did all
these rules come into play.. when did it become so complicated. I feel
really away from him now, so I guess I will just go with it. He don't
believe I am coming...... and in some way I feel that way.. but I can
not let it be. It might take me forever........ but I will get there.
If by some miracle something wonderous happens.. might be possible or
sooner. But as for now........ I have to forget about everything and
continue life, even though its something I want more than anything. I
must just go on right?