Fighting: When You’re Wrong, or When You’re Right

This week I have arguing on my mind, specifically, when two spouses argue.  In a bad economy and a hot summer, it’s all too easy to push your spouses’ button and get off on the wrong foot.  It can quickly get ugly.  Every time there’s an argument like this, the only way to diffuse the situation is to stop reacting.

Notice I did not say “stop fighting”.  The fact is, often times one spouse can quiet down and do more damage with looks and actions then if he or she had gone on yelling. 

What you need to do in the middle of a big marital fight is back down, shut up, cool off, and drop it.  Odds are you are not fighting about whatever problems you are going through, rather, you are fighting about something that’s easier to debate:  whose turn it is to take out the garbage, who will walk the dog, or how the lamp broke.

Sometimes, though, it’s not enough to just shut up at that moment in the argument when you realized you’re dead wrong.  Sometimes, you’ll realize how incredibly RIGHT you are.  This week, my husband and I had an argument about getting something done around the house.  He made a huge error by asking why I couldn’t do anything without him. We’re a working family with two young special needs children, and believe me, we are both fairly busy with chores and commitment.  I gave him one of those withering looks and said, “What did you say?”  Just for a moment, I could see that he realized how wrong what he said was.

I am only human, and man, I wanted so bad to stick it to him.  I started to talk and then I thought the best of it.  After all, our kids were around us, and if I threw it in his face, this would only end in screaming.  Nothing helps to cure screaming like seeing the reaction of your children.  I walked away, trying not to be bitter and thinking that maybe he understood how stressed I am.

I’m happy to say the fight ended there and the rest of the night was good.  The next day, my husband made a comment about how busy I am.   I’m not gloating over this because the fact is I could have handled the whole thing better and not started arguing in the first place.  But whether you’re wrong or right, the time to stop arguing is NOW.