Money and Marriage: The Great Divider

This week, yet again, I've noticed some issues in my marriage about money. Unfortunately, I do not know how to approach my husband.  My view of money is changing, as I'm coming to believe that we need to move towards becoming fully debt free, purchasing only with cash, building a more secure emergency fund and nest egg, and giving to worthy causes.

My husband does not agree on all those points.

As a submitted wife, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to address the situation. I know I cannot get him to change, and I also fail on my end with spending as well, sometimes.  I'm trying to do better, but I can't figure out how to impress upon him my new-found passion for these issues.

For example, I think it is a spiritual requirement to give generously, but he doesn't see the point of charity.  I believe that altruistic giving not only provides spiritual benefits, but you can't receive  with more unless you're willing to give some of that "more" to those less fortunate.  And you can't receive more if you're not a good stewart of what you already have.

My biggest fear right now is that if we don't do the right thing financially, that we will again suffer the consequences we've had over the last year: layoffs, pay cuts, no health insurance, and the little disasters that require an emergency fund. It's taken almost a year to get back on our feet, pull in little bits of extra money here and build a small emergency fund.

So here's my question to you: how do you gracefully handle money issues with your spouse?  What solutions have worked: budgets, allowances, separate bank accounts?  Do you have any advice on how I can discuss money matters with my husband without inciting a fight?