Blowing it: What to do when fighting works

I hate to admit this, after all I've written about being a good, submitted wife, but lately I've noticed that fighting with my husband works.

I don't actually want to fight with him.  I'm in this place where fighting with the people I love makes me feel awful, and more battle scarred than if I had just "let it go". 

The thing is, sometimes I feel so defeated in this one particular department of our marriage. (No, I won't say what it is.)  It makes me feel like I have to be superwoman when I don't have the strength left.  When I'm worn down like that and there's still so much to do, I blow up.

And then, later, my husband will do what I asked.

Maybe if I thought of it more like "getting my way", then I could stop.  I feel an "ick" factor when that happens. We are partners, and I don't want to get my way, I just need more assistance at times.

I'm a bit stymied on this issue.  If I think to all the good advice I've ever heard on how to avoid arguments in marriage, one key thing is to discuss the issue when you are calm, before an incident happens. 

To which I always think, they do know we wives are married to men, don't they??  Starting up a conversation about this kind of thing is somewhere between "impossible" and "when hell freezes over" in my house.  My husband either thinks he's in trouble, or thinks I'm gonig to nag him.

If you have any advice on how to get your husband to sit down and discuss key issues, or other ways to avoid fights but still get the help from your partner that you need, lay it on me.  I can use some help!