Top Annoyances of Living Together

When loving each other and living with each other don't bring the same sense of joy

Maybe she chews too loudly. Maybe he snores. Maybe he forgot to unplug the Christmas tree and the house burned down.

Regardless of the details, at some point you're going to get on each other's nerves. It's not the end of the world (or even the honeymoon) when it happens. It's part of maturing. If maintaining a healthy, long term relationship is your goal, you're going to need to get on the same page regarding expectations. Doing so will greatly reduce the likelihood that small annoyances will become big divides. Here's a list of common pitfalls, and suggestions for how to avoid them.

Sex
You're adults; you've got schedules, jobs, possibly even kids. Your expectations for the bedroom might be different from your partner's. Take the time to talk about expectations before an annoyance here becomes a more serious rift in the relationship. If your partner needs to go to bed at 10 o'clock to get up early every morning, it's probably a bad idea to make a habit of crawling into the sack at 10:30 looking for attention. If you think you need "it" more regularly than your partner seems to, be patient, and let your partner know. Try setting a schedule that both of you can count on. And keep a great sense of humor about it.

When it's time to talk about sexual expectations, it's a bad idea to do it at night in bed. That's inviting an argument. Try bringing it up at breakfast, when there's enough distance to keep the tone right.

Cleaning (or lack thereof)
One of you is cleaner than the other. You already know that. Look, if you're a slob, that's okay. No one is trying to change you. But you're also an adult. You need to take responsibility for your messes, particularly if you're interested in maintaining a healthy relationship. For years I thought little gnomes followed me around and cleaned up. I was stunned when my wife let me know that wasn't the case. Take responsibility. Wash your dishes after that snack. Wash your partner's dishes, too. Work out the best way of hanging the toilet paper roll. Put the cap back on the toothpaste. Wipe the sink after you shave. There's nothing unmanly about being courteous. Quite the opposite.

Eating preferences
Maybe one of you is more athletic than the other, and prefers fat-free to fat-filled. Or maybe you love sushi (like me) but your wife can't stand the smell of fish (like my wife). You know what? Go get your sushi fix at lunch with friends. Take turns picking restaurants with your spouse. Remember, it's just a meal. There will be another one in five hours. I've found a couple of sushi places with items on the menu she enjoys, and we don't sit at the sushi bar with all those fish heads staring at her. She appreciates that. A little thoughtfulness can go a long way.

Chores
Your mom is not around to nag anymore. Time to learn how to run a house. It can be a big job. Divide and conquer, and outsource what you can't get done. In my house, it's split more or less along the traditional lines. She's generally "housekeeping," and I'm generally "janitorial." But here's a tip, men – ask your partner regularly what you can do to help. She'll appreciate it. Work out with your partner what needs doing, and who's going to do it. And for the stuff no one wants to do (like lawn mowing for us), well, that's what checkbooks are for.

Paying bills
There's little more annoying than financial missteps. Work together on a budget for your life together. Decide who's going to physically pay the bills, and when. With a little bit of upfront work you can get your bills to fall due at the same time of month. Utilizing online bill pay at your bank makes paying a breeze. If your partner has an interest in the finances, be transparent. Let them know when you pay and what you pay. Stay on budget. Live within your means. Save if you can. Doing this will avoid all manner of annoyances down the road.

Living with your spouse is one of life's great pleasures. But it can be work. If your experience is anything like mine, these are a few areas you'll run into once you share a roof. Keep your sense of humor and remember: you're living with your life's love, so little annoyances shouldn't be able to spoil the fun.