News for the Nearlyweds

Wedding prep tips and insights from a groom-to-be.

Everyone knows that newlyweds are a couple who has just tied the knot, gotten hitched, exchanged wedding vows, or have taken the plunge. I propose the word "nearlyweds" be accepted in everyone’s lexicon to mean a couple who has gotten engaged and is in the process of planning their big day.

Of course the magnitude of the matrimonial responsibilities will be equally important for both bride and groom, as the law does not discriminate. However, the enormity of the actual amount of pageantry that accompanies their wedding is seldom an issue that's as equally balanced on the scale of life.

Groom-in-training

How important is the groom-to-be in the planning of the big day (aside from picking out the proper engagement ring)? There are those men who accept that their soon-to-be-bride has begun planning this event from the time she was barely old enough to dress herself. This man can appreciate the romantic ideal, sit back and politely nod and smile at the selection of each and every item, which, in her eyes, will be of the utmost importance to the fulfillment of the awaited event.

Then there are those soon-to-be-grooms who want to have a say in the planning of the big day. They think that they deserve to have some of the amenities suited to their tastes and are willing to fight tooth-and-nail in order to have it that way. Well, here are a few words of wisdom for the men that feel the necessity to try to negotiate the nuptial day arrangements from a man who is about to take the plunge.

A groom's eye view

My very good friend, John R., a 38 year-old wine consultant, is getting married for the first time. I was the one who introduced him to the girl of his dreams about three years ago. I knew his fiancée for a while before meeting John, but the moment I met him, I knew that they would make a great couple. She too has never been married and is around the same age as John.

The fact that the average American gets married for the first time around the age of 28 makes John and his bride-to-be not your everyday couple, as people in their late twenties have different coping skills, when it comes to stress, than people in their mid, to late, thirties.

I thought by asking John’s opinion on the subject of planning a wedding, I’d be better able to provide other grooms-to-be with some firsthand intel.

LL: John, before you met your bride-to-be what were your expectations about your wedding day?

JR: I had no expectations. I just hoped to have a small wedding without incurring too much debt.

LL: When you became engaged and heard your fiancée’s idea of a dream wedding what was your immediate thought?

JR: She wanted a huge formal ceremony and a reception with all the bells and whistles. I thought, “How are we going to pay for all of that!”

LL: At the onset of the planning what did you imagine your role to be?

JR: To be a support mechanism for the stress involved in the big day.

LL: Has the experience been stressful? Rate it on a scale of 1-10, 10 being wanting to jump off of the Empire State Building.

JR: I would rate it a 2.

Here an explanation is necessary, as most couples experience excruciating stress during the planning of their big day. John and his wonderful partner are both well versed at event planning and they were able to employ many of their skill sets in making the planning of the wedding nearly seamless.

LL: What were some of the ways in which you, as a couple, alleviated the stress level?

JR: Organization combined with allowing family to contribute financially.

I asked John what he considered the best advice for nearlyweds of the new millennium. Here were his responses.

For Him:
1) Do not over extend yourself financially for a single day.
2) Realize that many parts of the day were already planned before your arrival.
3) Be supportive of the bride.

For Her:
1) Allow him to be part of every decision.
2) Be reasonable about costs.
3) Be organized.

Reducing the stress of the big day

There was an underlying message that crept through a few times, and it was keeping costs down. Expert wedding planners agree with John, that setting a budget and sticking to it are the most important elements to keeping stress levels down while planning the event.

Organization is next on the list of top things to keep in mind, because if you are not systematic about the preparations from the onset, you will be going ballistic by the time you are nearing the momentous occasion.

The final biggie, when it comes to trying to alleviate stress, is a man’s need to know his place. When a woman is planning her big day, the man customarily stands back and lets the woman have her way. He may be asked his opinion, but this is merely a formality. A husband-to-be can rest assured that going with the flow is the safest option.