Money and Marriage

Discussing money issues before getting married

You and your partner are getting married and the two of you couldn’t be more excited. While all you want to think about is how happy you are that this day has finally come, you need to both sit down and discuss your very unromantic economic situation before tying the knot.

It may have been okay while you were dating (or even living together) to keep your financial history private, but now that you are engaged, you owe your partner financial transparency. Marriage is, above all else, a legal contract – and like any legally binding agreement, you should understand the costs and obligations you are agreeing to before you sign on the dotted line.

Many relationships fail because the couple did not communicate honestly about money and went into the marriage having no idea about the other’s financial background. Before you get married, open up to your partner about money issues by following these simple guidelines.

Discuss each other’s debt and dues

Make sure you know what your partner’s outstanding debts are before getting married. Sit down together and go over what each of you need to pay out every month. This will help you understand how to budget your money and know if the other person will be able to contribute or detract from the financial health of the relationship.

Find out what your partner buys

It's better to find out now before later on that your partner has a shopping addiction. Be honest with each other about what you like to spend your money on and how much you spend each week. If you are marrying someone who is going to significantly increase your standard of living, congratulations. Just make sure they share your understanding of how you will be spending their money once it's "our" money.

Keep your own credit cards and bank account

There is nothing wrong with having your own credit cards to establish credit, or having a checking or savings account in your name. You are entitled to your own money after marriage as long as you are above board about it and aren't "skimming" money from the joint receivables.

One way to handle this is to agree to a fixed amount or percentage of each partner's income that they may put aside for their own use. Some couples use their separate accounts as gift or vacation money, others may use it to cover family obligations or expenses incurred prior to the marriage (such as student loans, alimony, or college costs for children from a prior marriage). Regardless, you should decide which bills are going to be community obligations and which are separate obligations, and budget for them accordingly.

Have a designated bill payer

For many couples it works out best to have one person in charge of paying the bills every month so that nothing gets confused or falls through the cracks. Figure out which one of you will be able to pay the bills on time and who is willing to do all the bookkeeping.

Most importantly, add up all your estimated income, expenses and debts to see if the both of you will be able to financially support this marriage successfully. Don’t allow yourself to take on all of the financial responsibility for your partner if you are not comfortable doing so. Remember, along with the promise "to love, honor and cherish" comes the unspoken but very legal commitment to take on that person's financial burdens as well. If that feels like too much of a burden to take on, you might want to think about waiting a little longer and getting all outstanding debts paid off (or at least under control) before tying the knot.

Before getting married it's essential that the two of you discuss all of your financial needs and background. Be honest about your lifestyle, the amount of money you make, and the amount of money you spend. Being dishonest here will only lead to more issues down the road and perhaps even more dishonesty in other areas. Remember, you need to start your relationship off on the right foot, so get everything out in the open, determine the financial health of your union, and then enjoy the rest of your wedding planning knowing there are no monetary landmines waiting to detonate your marriage.