Military Spouses and Partners

The author discusses some of the strain that military wives, partners and families have to deal with during the wars.

On Veterans’ Day 2009 I was sitting in a school where, just the week before, every man woman and child in the building sat patiently during Level 1 Lockdown, knowing that our friends, parents and neighbors were under siege on the other side of the county, at Fort Hood, Texas. This harrowing event leads us all to think about what our military and military families sacrifice for us. Trying to comfort a child who wants to call her mom who works on base, but knows that the ringing cell phone could tip off a nearby terrorist, would be pretty near impossible if these children were from my generation. But today’s Fort Hood kids know the drill so they sit and wait.

Fortunately, there were no deaths or serious injuries for the families at our building. Yet each family must live with knowing that the risk is here, even when our loved ones are right at home on the largest and arguably one of the best run bases in the world. This poses particular challenges for couples who live under the pressure. The following are some issues you may not have thought about:

1. According to SOLDIER CENTER, an organization which helps military couples to deal with the adjustments both partners must make, "Life in a combat zone often requires adjustment to one's nervous system with signs of intrusive memories like flashbacks and nightmares; avoidance and emotional numbing such as avoiding activities you once enjoyed, feeling emotionally numb (like your don't care anymore), and difficulty maintaining close relationships." Each soldier must readjust to being at home after each deployment. Several soldiers have been deployed four or more times between Iraq and Afghanistan. The toll is often more than many couples can bear.


2. MILITARY FAMILIES SPEAK OUT (MFSO) represents spouses and relatives of soldiers who are against the war effort. In a letter to the editor of The Washington Post, MFSO Board Member Larry Syverson stated, "Regardless of how these wars are framed, Americans do not support them. …Congress must realize that funding these wars is not supporting our troops but killing them." While I don’t know the majority of military spouses share this mindset, imagine the struggle of sending your spouse or loved one off to their potential death when you don’t even believe in why they are going. Since Viet Nam, most Americans are too afraid of being labeled unpatriotic or un-supportive of the troops to voice such concerns. Most sit in silence and hope that their partner survives.

The one left behind sits and waits. They may or may not hear from their partner. Then bad news hits in an area where their soldier is stationed. Imagine just having to wait, like the people at my school, but instead of for an hour or so, perhaps days. Instead of knowing that the local security team is going to double down and now your loved one is probably more secure than you naively thought him to be yesterday, you now understand that the situation could be worse tomorrow. Even when you think they’re on their way home, they get asked and sometimes told that they’ve got to stay longer, leaving the good spouse no choice but to just sit and wait with their life on hold for yet another year or maybe even more.

Next time you meet a soldier or their spouse, thank them. Their sacrifice is for you.

References: http://soldier-center.com/marriageandredeployment.html http://www.mfso.org/





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