Do Nothing and Have a Better Marriage

By not doing and saying things that can sour a relationship, you do something positive towards develop a stronger bond

Marriage, it's one of those things that, no matter how much we value it, we tend to let it go to pot. A marriage is like a garden – just because you're in it everyday doesn't mean it gets the attention it requires. You have to pay attention and tend to a relationship or it just withers on the vine.

But sometimes, the harder we try to make things better, the worse they get. That's when it may be time to fix your love by sitting back and doing nothing. That's right – nothing. The following are a few slightly tongue-in-cheek tips to improve your relationship significantly without doing much of anything. Follow along and bring about a bountiful relationship through the fine art of benign neglect.

Drop the advice
After being together for awhile we tend to think that we can improve are mate by giving them the benefit of our sage advice. Men, don't you just love it when your wife tells you how to wash your car or tie your tie? And ladies, aren't his tips on driving etiquette exactly what you want when you are merging into heavy traffic?

So here's a bit of advice: how about not giving advice? Sure, without your wisdom and guidance your spouse isn't likely to change, but most likely she wasn't going to in the first place, so why waste your breath? As any Alcoholic Anonymous member will tell you, change what you can, accept what you can't, and ask God for the serenity to know the difference. You can't change people. You can only change you. So start changing you by not trying to change her.

If you have to ask, don't
Your wife is carrying some laundry and she is walking by the remote. Sure, you can lean over and pick it up, but instead you ask her because she's closer. Don't do that. You will spend more time listening to her complain about having her hands full with your dirty laundry than you would by just getting up and retrieving it yourself. (I know – you thought it was cute. It wasn't!)

This trick works two ways. If you quit asking her to do things she doesn't want to do, like fetching the remote, she may quit asking you to get out the silverware when she is standing next to the drawer. Then you have even less work to worry about and two people who are more likely to appreciate each other by asking for less.

Let it go, let it go, let it go
Your husband is supposed to take the trash out and he doesn't remember – ever. So you end up going on and on about it until he gets his act into gear and the garbage to the street…and resents you for it the entire way. The garbage is gone from sight, but so is his mildly pleasant demeanor for the rest of the night.

You have two better choices that can change this situation, and both involve you saying nothing. The first is, you do it yourself. How long does it take to take out the garbage anyway? If it's too much for you to do yourself, that could be a good indication as to why he's not doing it either. So, rather than complaining about it, figure out a way to make it more doable. Move the trash bins into the garage so the walk is shorter. Remove the plastic bags and put them near the door so they are ready the next time someone happens to be going outside anyway.

The second option is, you too can forget about the garbage. I know it seems counterintuitive, but think about it. Your husband – yes, even that slob you love – doesn't want to live in a smelly, roach infested house any more than you do. (If he did, he probably would've stayed single.) So when he eventually notices that the trash is piling up, he will likely get as sick of it as you are and remember his husbandly duty. He may even ask you why you didn't say anything. At that time, you can sweetly ask him if he wants you to remind him in the future. If he does, feel free to do so the next time (but only one time). That way you'll be reinforcing positive behavior – his request to remind him – rather than nagging him to do something only you want him to do.

Not a cure-all, but a cure-some
I know, I know – doing nothing won't solve every disagreement in your relationship, but it may give your mate the little extra space he (or she) needs to get onboard with the program in their own time and way. We all dream of being with the one who loves us exactly the way we are. Allowing some things to slide may be so comforting that your spouse wants to say and do nothing for you, too.

And really, isn't "nothing" sometimes the best gift of all.